I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
