So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
