Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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