If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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