No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
