There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
