I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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