My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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