You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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