you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
