I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
