she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
