He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
