No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
