My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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