my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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