he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
