I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
