this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
