he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
