You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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