Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
false alarm, still single
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
