Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
