I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
