Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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