Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
