He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
