toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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