im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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