u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
