Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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