So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
