I'm going to jail i love you
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
