Have you finally orgasmed yet?
barbara walters just said penis...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
