WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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