she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
