Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
