So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
