Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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