it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
