So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
