Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
