I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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