You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
