Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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