Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
