omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
