I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Fuck appropriateness.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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