The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
