i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
