I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
