Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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