Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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