I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
