So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
