Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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